Online Edition 07.2007


Board Games | Andrea Avery

The Jacket | Ari Holtz

The Turkish Poetry Spitball | Chris King

Goal Line Stand | Jim Klenn

Runners are Weird | Tom Weber

Print Edition   

Firecracker Press

Caroline Huth

Jessica Baran, Aaron Belz, Thomas Crone, Andrea Day, Caroline Huth, Nick Findley, Emily Shea Fisher, Thom Fletcher, Dave Gray, Franklin Jennings, Chris King, K.E. Luther, K. Curtis Lyle, Richard Newman, Greg Ott, Stefene Russell, Dana Smith, Brett Lars Underwood

Runners are Weird* | by Tom Weber

Runners’ math

“I just ran 3 miles, so 5 can’t be all that much worse, and at the point, I should just run 8,
but then that’s so close to 10 and, hell, 13.1 is a half marathon.”

Round time DOWN, round miles UP
(if you run a 10k in 45:59, tell people you ran 7 miles in 45 minutes)

Never, EVER leave off the .2 from 26.2

Runners’ victories in life:

Doing the same thing you did last time, just 20 seconds faster

Only moderately chafed inner thighs

Drinking a swig of cold, cold beer at mile 23

Having all ten toenails

Non-bloody nipples

Runners’ defeats in life:

Being passed by a 70-something and not being able to catch up

Setting your eyes on a nice, tight pair of buns ahead of you and even though she’s totally out of your league, at least you’re about the same pace... oh wait, she keeps getting faster.
Where’s she going? Call me.

Not going number two right before a 10 mile run, then “getting the call” in the first 100 yards.

Seeing those two streaks of red running down your shirt.

Things no longer considered gross:

Eating something pronounced ‘goo’

Ejecting snot from one’s nose without the aid of a tissue

Public urination (usually a misdemeanor)

Bloody nipples

Fucking weird, man.

*I am a runner.


Tom Weber wakes up weekdays at 3:30 a.m. and travels to his job at KWMU, where he delivers newscasts, reports, and steals office paperclips.