Online Edition 04.12.06

Pilgrims | by Andrea Avery

Work | by Aaron Belz

Music Man | by Daniel Durchholz

St. Pete's | by Franklin Jennings

Left Bank | by Brandyn Jones

The Training Ground | Tony Renner

Shoe Jail | by Stefene Russell

Work is a Four Letter Word | by Brett Underwood

Print Edition   

Shoe Factory | by Andrea Avery

All Eyes: The Mansion Hotel | by Thomas Crone

Why We Never Leave South City | by Julie Dill

The Man Who Ran Corn for Mister Otha Turner | by Chris King

How I Became a Zackaroo | by Brian H. Marston

On Being Mr. Bibbs | by Michaela McGinn

Six Things About Barges You May Not Know | by Butler Miller

Businesses and Buildings | by Dana Smith

When The Honest World Has Passed Away | by Stefene Russell

My Road | by Tom Weber

 

Work is a Four Letter Word | by Brett Underwood

Work is a four-letter word.
(So is word, though.)
Does it seem like you're working more than ever?
Ha Ha.
Not according to the statistics, I'm afraid.
It may seem like we are all busy as ever,
but statistics show
something different.
Or do they?
What constitutes work?
Cube is short for cubicle.
Working
Business
Busy-ness
Occupation
A drought of leisure is a threat to
public health,
personal health,
mental health,
physical health.
He's at the office.
Two-car garage.
Mortgage.
Footpounds.
Desired effect?
Do you work so much you don't know what to do?
Solitaire.
Boxlunch.
Pesticide.
Occupational hazards include back injuries.
Carpal tunnel syndrome.
You have to really be repetitive to get a syndrome.
Or maybe you'll just chafe.
Jogger's nipple.
Not listed are other more severe maladies.
I'm at work
I can't. I have to work
You're going to be late for work.
I'll meet you after work
Why work?
Sleeping pills.
These bills are getting me down.
I can't pay my bills.
I spend my free time shopping.
Day care.
I can't. I have to work in the morning.
I better not. I should work.
You missed work.
Why weren't you at work.
I'm looking for work.
You better get to work.
Men at Work, of course. (Ha, ha...)
Pistol in mouth.
Armani suit.
Trophy wife.
They took the busboy home and...
Ass kisser.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Recreational drugs vs. the memory of work.
Working for the weekend (everybody is, ya' know!)
Ouch.
Oh, and whistle while you work (yeah, that's fucking
cute...straight from the oppressor.
Is that what Walt Disney was doing there?)
Plastic forks and spoons.
What are you working on?
Will this work? (no, but it might fit...lemme see.
Oooh! Did that hurt?)
We can work it out (not without a hammer to
smash that inner radio!)
Would you two like to work together?
Let's work on it.
Cluster fuck.
But the evil little demon is there inside the heads
who squawk, "What do you do?"
What the fuck are you doing?!!!
Warm bath, sharp razor.
Mocca.
Insubordination.
Suck up to the boss.
Cause and effect.
I can't stand it, he just sleeps all day and then goes to work.
He told me I had a "protestant work ethic".
Phphphphff!
I'm not even religious!
Pyramid scheme.
Thorstein Veblen wrote "The Theory of the Leisure Class"
You can buy it at WalMart.
Malnutrition.
Welfare.
Put your back into it, College Boy!
The American Dream.
What are you?
How do you make money?
I know, I know, it has become human nature these days.
Everyone is too fucking busy to know what's going on.
I can't smell the flowers. I'm allergic.
Take a pill.
Do you have an over-riding feeling of being rushed?
Xanax.
Prozac.
Oprah.
Thought criminal.
His commute to work is three hours each way.
She skateboards to work on Thursdays.
I like to ride the bus to work.
My Mom smokes a jibber when she's driving me to work.
The boss got a DWI on the way to work.
We fucked off all day.
Flippin' buggers...er, uh, I mean burgers, Sir.
Bored people are boring.
Twenty car pile up.
There is little or no leisure in American culture.
We are all left to wonder how the next guy
gets by
or if we can ride on his coat tails without him
catching on.
Lottery ticket.
I work during the day.
I work at night.
I'm working the third shift.
I'm working on it.
I've got to start working out.
Do you work out?
Slots.
Let me work those numbers up for you?
She's at work 'till ten. Come on over.
I don't know. Working, I guess.
He's doing this babe from work?
She worked her way up the ladder.
We went to her work party.
White zin.
Traffic copter.
That'll work!
He fell off a ladder at work.
"Don't walk under that ladder, Rookie", screamed the foreman.
They call me the working man.
Joe six-pack.
Women's undergarments.
Hee hee.
Devoted family man.
Lawn.
Urban sprawl.
Working America.
Working the crowd.
Work it, Baby!
What time do you get off work?
How does that work?
I don't know how she makes it work?
I don't know how he made it to work.
It's in the works.
He works in the arts.
Where did those lepers work?
My moms used to go to work at the five-and-dime.
It is workable.
Fuckin' Commie!
He sings for a living, Jackson does.
He goes, "I wanna be a happy idiot. Working for the legal tender", she said
at the water cooler.
Tony smells like toner.
Eating disorder.
The "N" word.
She works in the fields 12 hours a day.
Ugh, she smells like dirt.
She is the salt of the Earth.
He works as a preventative maintenance supervisor to
the Imp.
I work at home.
I have homework to finish up.
Bored at work?
Office Humor to entertain you while
you work.
Not while I work!
Jenny really worked on her abs.
Work is a scalar quantity, but it can be positive or
negative.
I would like to improve my work confidence.
Wasting time at work...
He sleeps in the shitter at work.
He nodded off with a needle in his arm at work.
The power of play at work.
You're a joy to work with.
She sells seashells down by the seashore.
Before he hit it big, he sold his ass on the streets.
Job.
Work in Texas.
Sleep Disorder.
Low-priced work gear
She left him. He was out of work.
Facial tic.
I have to buy some new work boots.
Ergonomic chairs.
Whip cracker.

He's never had a job in his life.
I have to wear a work uniform despite the shrinking job market.
What twit designed this work station?

Work more, fuck less.
When money goes out the door, love goes out the window.
He travels a lot for work.
My father works all the time.
Insecurity.
Green lawn.
Boss
Loss.
Boozer.
Loser.

Bob Black wrote "The Abolition of Work"
How can we better contract workforce management?
He can drink at work.
He drank himself out of work.

He worked himself to death.
Don't work too hard.
I work with a bunch of assholes.
They finally fired that bitch at work.
Where can I find work?
"We can work it out.
We can work it out.
Life is very short
...and there's no ti i i i ime..."
I'm taking the week off.
I'm retired.
I wrote my thesis on the leisure class in 20s Bavaria.
The professor laughed his ass off and then he blew me from under that crappy work station.
Lumbar region.
"What do you mean? You fucking work at Starbucks!"
He went postal.
This shit's getting old.
I need you to make 300 of these an hour.
PR.
Fuck it! I quit.
 

BIO

Brett Lars Underwood is a bartender and a gadabout who writes, promotes and produces happenings and mishaps. He is the producer and host of KDHX' The No Show (late Thursday/early Friday at midnight). He's quicker with the stink eye than verbal reprimands and favors the brushback pitch over preemptive warfare. He has the wingspan of an albatross.